Alis Grave Nil

Thursday, 27 February 2014

A Bit of a do at the Hairdresser's

Every time I go to the hairdresser's there are always two little old ladies there.  Nothing strange in that, you may think, but I have never actually seen them having a hairdo.  They seem to be a permanent fixture on the sofa, sipping tea and putting the world to rights. Let's call them Mildred and Enid.

I wasn't being nosey (honestly!) but I couldn't help overhearing their conversation.  Enid is onto her third husband - 'The other two were right bathcubes,' she said.

Mildred had recently been to the doctor's and got some cream for a rash on her back. She was having difficulty stretching her creaky old bones to get the cream in the right spot so she asked her husband, Eric, to help.  Eric duly obliged and, according to Mildred, started to get a bit...and then the hairdryer was on and I was unable to hear the rest.  As soon as the hairdryer was switched off, all I heard was Mildred's voice saying, 'For fluff sake, Eric, you're 85 years old.  You're far too old for sex!'

Well, the shop went quiet and all eyes were on the two old dears on the sofa, who were now sitting cackling and laughing like a couple of old witches.  My mind hasn't boggled that much since the builders, who were doing our extension, sang a Pussycat Dolls duet.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

Somerset Floods

Did anybody see Chris Eakin from the BBC during the reporting of the Somerset floods?  I think he was a bit p**d off at having been sent out in the rain with his wellies on.  You could tell from his little cross face. He was interviewing a lady whose house had been flooded since around Christmas time and he actually asked her is she would move house!!!  Dimwit.  She said, "who would buy a house that's been flooded for 5 weeks?" and looked quite upset.  If I was that lady, I would have grabbed Chris Eakin by the neck and plunged his head (and held it down) into the nearest very deep puddle.
On a more positive note, there are many brilliant people who are helping as much as they can in Somerset and other flooded areas. There is the lovely Ravi Singh from disaster charity, Khalsa Aid, who has worked non-stop in Somerset, travelling from Slough where he lives.  (, farmers from all over the country are sending animal feed to the Somerset farmers and offers of help are coming from many ordinary citizens. The politicians, meanwhile, have another COBRA meeting over tea and biscuits to discuss the next meeting and then the meeting after that.  Don't worry, I'm not getting into politics, mes amis, it's just not my thang.  
And another thang...thing..why hasn't there been a national fund raiser for the people who have been flooded?  Where are all the celebrities who are so quick to organise concerts for Africa and other places?  Bono, where are you? Are you organising a concert in Africa for the Somerset floods?  People in the UK are so generous when it comes to raising funds for other countries.  Now that people in our county are in trouble and some of them will need extra financial help, the celebrity world seems to have gone very quiet.
I am now quietly hoping that a huge wave will come over and take Kay Burley (Sky News) with it. 
Stay dry and keep yer wellies on.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

I Must be Dreaming

Great excitement!  Not sure if I've mentioned this before but Daniel Craig recently moved to East Yorkshire, near Beverley (BIG house!).  Anyway, he's been seen shopping in Beverley.  I think I would go all wibbly wobbly if I was standing in a queue beside him.  I'd have to say in my Scottish accent "I musht be dreaming!"

Hercules also lives in our area (Mark Addy), although I've never seen him in the flesh.

Anyway, Heathcliffe is just lighting the fire so I'm off to put the kettle on and dream about accidentally on purpose bumping into Daniel Craig in Cooplands' bakery.

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Doris, the Diving Duck

We have a collection of ducks on our pond.  We have our two rescue ducks, who haven't got names yet because I still don't know if they are male or female.  How do you tell? We also have an assortment of very tame wild ducks.

I wanted to tell you about Doris.  She is a female wild duck and is much smaller than the rest.  At first she kept herself to herself and was a bit too shy to come close to get the food (apart from the fact that the other naughty ducks pecked her when she came close).  She is now getting used to feeding time at the pond and I was amazed the other day to see her actually diving in and swimming under the water to get the corn.  She is the only one that dives and swims under water so she is very special and clever.  

Please excuse the quality of the photos. It was freezing cold yesterday and I just took them very quickly.

Messieurs-dames, I give you Doris, the Amazing Diving Duck.   

That's Doris in the middle between the drake and the other duck's bottom.

Our own two tame ducks are the white and black ones