You are not going to believe this, chers amis. You are just not going to Adam & Eve it. Our local Parish Council along with the Ambulance Service have, in their wisdom, decided it would be a good idea to install a defibrillator in our local Inconvenience Store. I had to laugh because it said on the notice we received that no training would be necessary. I'm sorry, I don't usually swear (not much anyway!) but for fluff sake, what is that all about?
Imagine the scene. The dead eyed students are behind the till, someone faints in the shop. Dead eyed student slightly wakes up, heads for the new defibrillator, grabs the paddles and zaps the poor old dear who has passed out on the floor, not knowing that she has a pacemaker installed. Result = one dead old lady on the floor of local shop and one stupid kid, who is still in the Xbox zone, taking a selfie beside poor old dead lady with his iphone.
Scenario 2: Mrs Sourpuss, who sucks lemons all day, steps over old lady and walks to staffroom to have her tea break. She'll switch the defibrillator on when she gets back because, quite frankly, she can't be a**ed and it's not exactly in her job description.
Scenario 3: Gladys, good old Gladys, dead slow and stop Gladys, sees the old lady fainting and shuffles over at a leisurely pace (no rush is there?). "Hello lovey, can you hear me?" she says "Are you all right lovey?" Gladys shuffles off to get help and doesn't return.
Scenario 4: Someone passes out on floor when the local village Numpty-Do-Gooder-Busybody just happens to be in the shop. "Wait, just a minute. Clear some space everybody. I know what I'm doing here," he says, taking over. He's been watching a bit of Casualty and he knows what to do. He grabs the paddles and shouts "stand clear" and just as he's placing the paddles on the person's chest, he/she wakes up but it's too late and said person has just been launched to the other side of the shop.
I don't know what the Ambulance Service/Parish Council are thinking of. Personally, I think it is complete madness to let the general public loose with a defibrillator, and although they would be talked through any possible scenario by the Ambulance Service, how does anyone know it's their heart that is the problem? Is it just me?
Scenario 4: Someone passes out on floor when the local village Numpty-Do-Gooder-Busybody just happens to be in the shop. "Wait, just a minute. Clear some space everybody. I know what I'm doing here," he says, taking over. He's been watching a bit of Casualty and he knows what to do. He grabs the paddles and shouts "stand clear" and just as he's placing the paddles on the person's chest, he/she wakes up but it's too late and said person has just been launched to the other side of the shop.
I don't know what the Ambulance Service/Parish Council are thinking of. Personally, I think it is complete madness to let the general public loose with a defibrillator, and although they would be talked through any possible scenario by the Ambulance Service, how does anyone know it's their heart that is the problem? Is it just me?
Nah, it's not just you lovely. It's a bit scary isn't it? Strikes me it's a case of people needing to be seen to be doing something positive and helpful, but not really thinking it through properly. Patting themselves on the back for a brilliant idea, taking all the praise, but will they be so quick to stand up and be counted if, heaven forfend, one of your scenarios comes to be? Although it's a scary idea, you did make me larf - again!
ReplyDeleteGlad I made you larf, Edwina. I hope they never have to use the defibrillator in that shop. God help us if they do!
ReplyDeleteSurely this can't be right?! Can you imagine the compo that would generate when things go wrong, and they will ! Thank you for the comedy scenarios xx
ReplyDeleteHi Chel. It is definitely going to happen. We got a notice from the Parish Council about it. Unbelievable isn't it? They already have one in Hull Railway Station.
DeleteHello, just blog hopped over here from I can't remember where. But honestly I could have written this post (if less well) as the same has happened in our village. Although as one of the village ladies pointed out, at least it's not a brain surgery kit to use in case of head injury. Now we're wondering if the trepanning tools will appear next week!
ReplyDeleteHi Annie. Thanks for popping over. I was just browsing round your blog yesterday, funnily enough.
DeleteIt makes me laugh that the Elf & Safety police don't let children play with conkers or ride a bike without a helmet nowadays and yet they allow the public to use a defibrillator, which could potentially kill someone. I just don't get it.
Do we frequent the same inconvenience store by any chance? I suppose if you didn't laugh you'd cry! xCathy
ReplyDeleteHi Cathy. Surely there can't be more than one inconvenience store like ours? Love your patchwork blog. I used to make patchwork quilts but I've gone back to knitting and crochet for the time being. Have got a bit of a crochet addiction at the moment.
DeleteThanks for dropping in. Best wishes from Carol
These defibrillators started appearing in our places of work too but at least we were trained to use them. Not that much training was needed. If the heart is beating and not fibrillating, the machine will not pulse. That's the theory and it seemed to work because naturally, as soon as the trainer had left, we all tried it on each other. When I was doing bomb disposal, each team was issued an Inspector portable X-ray machine for x-raying suspicious packages etc. We were all warned not to X-ray ourselves, something we all promptly did, usually our heads. But that was OK, they needed examining anyway.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that Hippo. I didn't know that about defibrillators. Am pleased to know it can't be used as a lethal weapon by the local nitwits.
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