Alis Grave Nil

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

You Make me Feel so Young make me feel as though spring has sprung....

You know you're getting older when you find yourself in a garden centre on a Sunday afternoon buying primroses and your husband is twitching to get back home to polish up his new Jag AGAIN, even though it hasn't left the garage since he bought it.  (apologies, blog followers,  I think we've heard enough about Roberto's eff-off blue Jag now don't you?).  While in the garden centre we meet an elderly friend of Roberto's mother, the late Beatrice Printemps, who likes a yarn and he looks like he wants to run for the hills.  We're still there standing talking half an hour later and Roberto is switching from foot to foot, his meerkat eyes scanning for the exit, ready to dart for the door at the earliest opportunity.  I think I'll go on my own the next time. 

...and every time I see you grin, I'm such a happy individual...

Tomorrow, 1 March 2012, is World Book Day and my lovely niece, Anna Nokerova (9) is going to school  dressed up as Laura Ingalls (remember Little House on the Prairie, girls?) .  I made her the outfit, complete with pinny and bonnet and my mother found her an old fashioned pail in the pound shop to take her lunch to school in (me moother will die of embarrassment because I've just told you all that she went into the pound shop - don't worry moother, we're only pretend people on the blog!).  Anna is having pigtails, with no bobbles at the top, for that authentic Laura look.  Sorry I won't be able to post a photo of her on here, but you get the idea. I'll let you know if she wins a prize for the best outfit. 

..bells to be rung and a wonderful fling to be flung....

It will soon be the wedding season and I just wanted to add a little plug for my sister, Katy Moon, who designs and makes the most beautiful tiaras and head pieces for brides and their entourages, mothers, aunties, etc etc.  Her link is here.

So glad that spring/printemps is on its way, mes amis

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Mine's Bigger Than Yours!

Well, there they were on Sunday, sitting round our kitchen table discussing their big sports cars.  Roy the builder and Bob the plumber had called in to have a look at Roberto's new old sporty Jaguar.  They all have convertible sports cars (it's an age thing, you know!) and they were sitting round our table discussing the best points of their own cars, all talking over each other.  It was just like "mine's bigger than yours" in the school playground.  I said above that they were discussing their big sports cars but Roy's is only the size of Stuart Little's - same colour as well.  He also has a Stuart Little boat for fishing but that's another story.

Bob has Jaguar envy now.  He has a lovely old Alpha Romeo sports car which he loves but when he saw Roberto's new one, he said "did you see my face, Roberto...did you see my face when I saw your Jag?" Let me tell you mes amis, he was drooling over Roberto's eff-off blue Jag. Boys and their toys eh?

Last night we were watching TV.  The windows and curtains were closed.  Well, I heard this shrieking noise outside and thought that someone was being attacked.  Looked out of the living room window and it was that bloody woman with the deaf dalmations (see previous post).  That's how loud she is, like a bloody fishwife on Hull docks, when we still had a fishing industry, that is.  I much prefered it when we had the little elderly couple with the sausage dog next door.  Nice quiet neighbours, dog with good hearing. 

Squawk soon. 

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Roberto's Eff Off Blue Jaguar

Well, mes amis, today we went over the Humber Bridge to Lincolnshire to collect Roberto's new car.  It's not brand new, it's a 1996 Jaguar XK8 and he describes the colour as Eff Off Blue (very good description, actually). 

I had to drive our car home and Roberto had told me to take the first turn off after the petrol station at the roundabout.  Well, he had gone into the petrol station with his new toy to get some juice and the turn off he had mentioned didn't have any signposts for the Humber Bridge so off I went round the roundabout again until I realised that I was right the first time around, even though there were no signposts. So far so good.  I arrive at the Humber Bridge toll booth...I can't reach the man in the booth to give him my money - eeek!! Had to get out of the car and felt like such a lemon.  I hadn't seen any sign of Roberto since he stopped off at the petrol station and I was a bit worried that the new (old) car might have broken down.  Well, I was just toddling along the A63/M62 and this blue flash of lightening (an eff off blue kind of colour) went whooshing past me and arrived home a good ten minutes before I did. 

Roberto is so happy with his new toy.  He has been outside since lunchtime polishing it up and admiring it, revving up the engine etc know, like you boys do?

So, I have revealed his little secret that he didn't want anyone to know about yet.  He reads these posts and says "what are you writing that for?"  I say to him "Roberto, you don't seriously think that people who read this think that we are real people do you?"

Have a good weekend mes amis.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Roberto's New Toy

Well, my big news is that....Roberto Printemps has just bought a new J....oops, I forgot, he told me not to tell anyone yet!  Will have to reveal that one to you all later, or he might have to kill me.  Anyway, he refused to take me with him to buy his new J...... because I always laugh as soon as he starts negotiating - I just can't help myself.  It's usually the look of horror on the seller's face that makes me laugh. 

Anyway, I will be able to reveal all after the weekend.  I'll just give you a clue.  It's a male mid-life crisis kind of thing. 

Don't tell anyone yet.  This post will self-destruct in 3 seconds!

Squeak to you soon, mes amis

Friday, 10 February 2012

A Little Winter Musing

We've had some snow here in East Yorkshire, maybe about 4 or 5 inches and as usual the newspaper headlines are screaming "Freak Weather Conditions."  Please get a grip, guys in the media (in London), it's not freak weather, it's not global warming - IT'S WINTER!!!

I'm too much of a woos to drive on icy roads, the main reason being that Roberto would be completely devastated if his beloved Jag ended up in the ditch, especially if he'd just washed it.  So I've just been for a walk to our little newsagent's shop and on the way back I saw a woman on our lane with two dalmations.  Well, she was screaming at the top of her voice on them - she would have put a fishwife to shame the way she was hollering.  Then I remembered that dalmations can be deaf.  Either the dogs were deaf or she was!  God, what a noise. 

Roy the builder is missing me, or rather he is missing working in our house.  Roberto and Roy are currently working on a barn conversion and it happens to be a drafty barn oop a hill in the middle of nowhere, with only one neighbour, the man from the Tesco advert.

Roy was completely spoiled rotten when he was working at our house.  I must have made about 20 cups of tea a day, there were always plenty of biccies, ice lollies on the hot August days and home-made soup on the cold November days, and a few toasted tea cakes thrown in for good measure.  I even bought them all cream cakes when it was Roy's 50th birthday.  God, I must have been mad.  No wonder Roy is pining.  Now they have to be content with flasks of tea.  Don't you just hate the taste of flask tea?  It tastes more of the flask than it does of tea.  Luckily Willie the window fitter has been to the barn to fit new windows so it's not so drafty for them working inside. 

Anyway, more musings later, mes amis.

Bon Weekend!

Saturday, 4 February 2012

On Having the Call Centre Blues

Do you ever get those annoying phone calls from foreign call centres? You know how it goes..."hello, meesees Printemps, thees ees Chrees from .....unintelligible company name...We are today doing wee leetle survey and would like to ask you some questions.  Anyway, the other day I answered the phone and it was Chrees again.  He said to me "Hello, Meesees Printemps, my colleague has just been speaking to Mr Roberto Printemps..." 

This was Chrees' fatal error.  Apart from the fact that he hadn't even been in the house since 7.30 that morning, my husband, Roberto Printemps, does not do phones.  He does not speak to anyone from call centres, banks, double glazing companies etc etc.  If he does happen to answer the phone and it is Chrees doing a wee little survey, he usually tells Chrees that Roberto Printemps has run away from home and joined the circus (or more likely something ruder with swear words.)

I said "Hold it right there Chrees.  I know for a fact that your colleague DID NOT speak to Mr Roberto Printemps, so don't you dare lie to me and don't ever phone this number again."  I hung up on him, annoyed that he had lied to me.  Well, the next day, our phone rang about 20 times and each time I answered, there was a very loud slam of someone banging the phone down.  I think I might have upset little I look bothered?

Another time, I actually did agree to do a wee little survey.  The young girl sounded so nice and I felt a bit sorry for her having such a bloody awful job of phoning us poor impatient British people to ask stupid questions.  I answered some of her questions and then the next question was "would you consider donating to such & such a charity?"  I said "no, I wouldn't."  She said "I'll just repeat the question again Meesees Printemps.  Would you consider giving to such and such a charity?"  Again, "no I wouldn't."  She was slightly perturbed because I had given her the "wrong" answer.  Next question "would you consider donating to some dog charity or other?"  Again, "no."  "I will just repeat this question again......hello, hello...are you there Meesees Printemps?"