Alis Grave Nil

Friday, 27 April 2012

Drought, My A**e!

The whole of East Yorkshire has been declared as being a drought zone.  I am at a loss to understand why, since it has been raining non-stop for the best part of three weeks.  In fact, it rained so much that I thought I was back in Glasgow. 

The other day I even needed my drought umbrella just to get from the car to the bank - a two minute walk.  Yes, dear followers, I can drive short distances now.  I still have a plaster on my broken wrist but it's not aching so much now.  I drove through deep drought puddles all this week during my little trips through drought land.  Roberto was stressing about me getting the car wet after he had waxed it last weekend.  I told him not to worry because it wouldn't get wet because of the serious drought conditions.

Anyway, enough of that.  The world is crazy enough already, don't you think? 

Last weekend I had uncontrollable hysterics in the Screwfix shop.  I was reluctant to go because it's just SO boring but Roberto needed a bit of pipe for our new Belfast sink, so off we trotted to the new Screwfix in Goole. 

A little girl called Epinine, who looked about 12 years old, took Roberto's order and that was all fine.  Then from the back of the shop this big lanky guy who worked in the warehouse came out and started talking to Epinine.  Now, the poor guy had a speech impediment, and please don't think I laugh at people with problems, but it was so unexpected and I got a bit of a fright.  It sounded as if he was talking out of his nose - I have never heard anything like it in my life.  Well, my face was bright red with trying to hold in the laughter. I had to put my head down and my shoulders were shaking.  The little girl behind the counter started laughing as well because she realised what I was laughing at.  Eventually, unable to control myself, I said to Roberto "I have to leave right now."  I can't ever go back there - RESULT!!

I'm loving The Voice on BBC1 on Saturday evenings. is just wonderful.  I just watch it for him really. 

Have a good weekend, mes amis.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

It's Just Nuts!

My sister, Katy Moon went to watch my lovely niece and nephew snowboarding during the Easter holidays.  While she was there, she was starving and fancied a bag of peanuts.  She went to the kiosk and asked for some salted peanuts.  The guy behind the kiosk said "sorry, but we can't sell peanuts during the school holidays because of kids getting nut allergies."  Katy then went over to the vending machine and bought a Snickers bar (Marathon bar to you and me!).  What is that all about?

Overheard conversation of two West Yorkshire ladies:-

"We love the East Coast.  I was just saying to Bert, if one of us dies, I will definitely move here."

It's been raining on and off in East Yorkshire for the best part of two weeks and further downpours are forecast for the next week.  On our local news, there was a Lincolnshire farmer, up to his welly-clad ankles in water trying to convince us that the soil was still dry. Drought, my a**e! It's all just nuts, I tell you. 

Bon Weekend, mes amis.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Goodwood, Here We Come!

Roberto and I are booking up for the Goodwood Festival of Speed again, only we're going for two days this year - there's so much to see.  Thought we might do a bit of celebrity house spotting while we are down south.  We already have a photo of Eric Clapton's house  (Roberto made me climb up on a fence to take the photo!).  I've actually met the man himself  at the carousel in Nice Cote d'Azur Airpot.  I went up to him with my little shaky paws and asked for his autograph - he was collecting his own luggage, believe it or not.  The French twits didn't know who he was. We've also been to see Elton John's holiday house in the hills outside Nice and we've seen Nellcote, the huge house in Nice where the Rolling Stones stayed in the 70's. 

This year we are going to try and find Robin Gibb's big pad, JK's and Chequers - not that we are stalkers, you understand - just interested in how the other half live.  You can't always see a lot because of high walls and hedges and sometimes you only see a gatehouse but it's fun finding out where they all live - proper celebs, I mean, not thick footballers or reality TV numpties. 

There will be some celebs at Goodwood as well.  I saw Liz Hurley with Shane Whatsit last year - you know that Aussie cricketer she re-styled into a clone of Hugh Grant?  Also hoping to see a few Formula 1 drivers (though hopefully not Lewis Hamilton.  Don't you think he's turning into a great big whinging woos?).  Will keep you posted, chers amis

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Poisson D'Avril

I saw a funny April Fool's joke this morning on Facebook.  Apparently it came on TV during a commercial break and said "DFS Sale Ends Today."