Alis Grave Nil

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Roy and his Never-Ending Mid-Life Crisis

It's been a while since I updated you on our friend Roy's never-ending mid-life crisis.  I take it that you are still interested, mes amis?
Well, to cut a long story short, after several (did I say disastrous?) blind dates through, hundreds of miles driven around the country, one date whose 12 year old spoiled daughter decided that he wasn't "the one" and several hundred pounds less in his moth-eaten wallet, our boy Roy has finally found love.  The lady in question lives in Scotland and apparently this 'new town' where she lives is the best thing since sliced bread - "a lovely place to live", says Roy.  I think he lives in Pixie Land myself.  I won't mention the name of the town but if you've seen the film Gregory's Girl, then you've got it. 
Roy, who never spend a penny on his long suffering soon-to-be-ex-wife, Wilma, has been spending £50 a week sending flowers up to his new love.  Might I just mention that Roy is still living in the same house as Wilma and the divorce lawyers have not even had the chance to have a handbags at dawn session yet. 
In the meantime, another older lady that he apparently wooed when he was feeling a bit desperate has been sending him texts telling him that she loves him and misses him. Problem is that Roy is friendly with her man, PJ, and do you know what he did?  He phoned PJ, and asked him to tell Beryl to stop sending him texts.  I think Roy is a bit of a dimwit sometimes.  Beryl could still turn out to be a bit of a bunny boiler. 
So anyway, back to Scotland.  Roy is spending a lot of time up there with his new love. Says the weather is fantastic and it's a grand place to live.  He said this on the same day my sister phoned me from Glasgow and told me that they had horizontal rain and gale force winds.  He is also talking marriage already, although as mentioned above, his divorce is still pending.  All his friends think he is "bloody noots" (that's how they say nuts in Yorkshire).
More later, mes amis. 


  1. Is this real or an ongoing story? Hard to tell, but either way, very entertaining. I found you as the only other commentor (commentator?) on Stephen's blog, so thought I'd mosey along and have a look at your blog. I used to visit Brough... we have a friend who lives in a large house on the South Cave Road, with a view of the golf course to the front, and the Humber estuary to the back, so maybe you know where I mean?
    Interesting that you are someone else who puts Ella Fitzgerald on your profile, the only person I've found apart from me, and Buble too. And as you know, I have been doing work on myself, though I hate the phrase it does cover it! And like you, also discovered that people can either take me as I am, or lump it. I am not bothered. I hate being enclosed with people, so shopping isn't a favourite pastime, in fact, apart from the occasional binge in M&S food hall, followed by another small binge in Waterstone's (couldn't afford to feed my book habit from them so visit once a year!), and the usual weekly stuff, everything else is done online. Shopping is Boring.
    Anyway, I'll pop back again... bye for now.

  2. Hi Edwina. Thanks for your comment. The stories are real, possibly slightly exaggerated, and only the names are changed.

    Lovely houses on South Cave Road. I know exactly where you mean, opposite the Golf Course.

    I like your style - binging in M&S food hall!! That's my kind of binge. I also have a big book habit. Sometimes go to our local charity shop - they have a great selection at Brough. Buy a pile for a £1 each and then take them back after I've finished them. You are right, Waterstones is too expensive for a big book habit.

    Nice to talk to you Edwina. I'll pop over and have a look at your blog.

    Best wishes from Carol