Alis Grave Nil

Sunday, 6 April 2014

On Pollution and Pings

What's all this nonsense about global pollution?  Have I been asleep or did it suddenly just happen overnight?  The mainstream media seem to be preparing us for the end of the world.  Are the four horsemen of the Apocalypse about to appear, riding through the smog with oxygen masks on?

We now zoom over to Shanghai as China has the worst pollution on the planet.  Oh, it looks like a lovely sunny day, no fog, no smog, no sand from the Sahara desert blowing in the wind.  And look over there at that lovely little happy-faced boy sitting on the front of his dad's scooter.  They're not wearing masks.  How will they breathe?  Look, the little boy is smiling and laughing and having a jolly old time with his dad, while the BBC voiceover tells us how bad the smog is. 
Back to the UK and the BBC News producer is getting the women's footy team prepared for filming.
"Right, girls, I want you to run around for a bit until you're puffed out and then when you're on camera you need to say that your chest feels tighter than usual today and it's not because of your new extra strong reinforced sports bra.  Oh, and another thing, it would be great if any asthma sufferers could mention that the Sahara sand is exacerbating their symptoms.  What? It means making it worse, dear......and ACTION."
David Cameron is then wheeled out, having been programmed with the appropriate words of warning, just to add to the frightening scenario. We're all doomed!

...And another thing.  Apparently they've heard a 'PING' from the missing jumbo jet's black box.

Sky News reporter to Ping expert: "What does the ping sound like?" (Is it just me or do you also throw things at your flatscreen?)

I suddenly had an image of Sean Connery in my head saying in a lovely Russian/Scottish accent, "ONE PING ONLY." (The Hunt for Red October). Just wondering if the 'experts' are going to find a Russian submarine on covert operations when they locate the source of the ping.

Just off to glue the TV screen back together. I may be some time.

Squeak soon, mes amis.



  1. How about inventing a rubberised, non-breakable television screen then you - or anyone else so inclined, personally I can't be ***** - can throw things at said screen with no fear of breakage. You could be onto a winner there lovely! Mind you, you'd have to remember to duck wouldn't you.......

  2. Good idea, Edwina. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to throw things at the nitwits on TV.

  3. MH370 was in fact a Boeing 777-200ER. The searchers have heard a ping but have they heard a pong? Can you in fact hear a pong or only smell one? Aren't the Chinese especially good at ping pong? To protect your flatscreen TV - in case of aggressive outbursts, may I suggest that you place a fireguard round it. You will still be able to watch "Doctors" and "Jeremy Kyle" through the holes.

    1. As long as I can see the results of the DNA test on Jeremy Kyle, that'll do for me. Fireguard is in position.

    2. Whoa! How did I guess you were a Jeremy Kyle fan? I must be psychic!

  4. All media driven crap. If I tune into the news it is because I crave news, not the self important opinions of overstuffed, overpaid retards. Bring back the likes of Trevor McDonald, Richard Baker, Angela Ripoff et al and consign Eamon Bloody Holmes and that nauseating cringeworthy Kay Burley, who can't even work an escalator out, to the bonfire of vanities. What did we have this morning? Frothing indignation because a Minister's apology to the House only lasted 34 seconds. How long does it take a normal person to say, 'I'm sorry'?

    1. I'm with you, Hippo. I don't often watch the news either because most of it is just laughable at best. Kay Burley is the rudest woman on TV so I don't watch her at all. I sometimes switch over to RT News which very often tells you what's really happening two or three weeks before the mainstream F***wits do.